What Happens When the Kids Don’t Come Over? - School Holidays and Separated Families
- Sami Abbas
- Apr 18
- 4 min read
School holidays are supposed to be joyful — a break from routines, a chance to reconnect, travel, and unwind. But for separated or divorced parents, they can be anything but relaxing. One parent might be waiting to pick the kids up, but the kids don’t want to go. Or worse, the other parent refuses to let them. Sometimes there’s confusion about who gets what time — other times, there was no plan in the first place.
At AviorLaw, we’ve worked with countless parents left feeling blindsided and emotionally gutted during the school break — and unfortunately, this is when informal agreements and old routines tend to fall apart.
So, what are your rights? What are your options? And most importantly — what’s best for your children?
The Legal Framework: How the Law Sees School Holidays and Seperated Families
In Australia, parenting after separation is guided by the Family Law Act 1975 (Cth). The Act doesn’t provide a one-size-fits-all school holiday solution. Instead, it prioritises the best interests of the child — with a strong emphasis on children having meaningful relationships with both parents, so long as it’s safe to do so.
Parenting arrangements during school holidays can be managed through:
Parenting Orders – Legally enforceable orders made by the Family Court. These often include clear school holiday arrangements and are binding.
Parenting Plans – Written agreements between parents that are not legally binding but can guide parenting. These are flexible and can be updated as circumstances change.
Where no plan or order exists, school holiday time can become a minefield of misunderstanding and missed opportunities.
When Children Refuse to Spend Time with One Parent
It’s heartbreaking: the bags are packed, the time’s been arranged, but your child says “I don’t want to go.”
If there’s a Parenting Order in place, the parent with care at the time is expected to encourage compliance — not just say “they don’t want to.” Courts have consistently found that passive non-compliance is a breach.
However, if the child is older or the refusal is persistent, the law may take a more nuanced approach. In Gainsford & Gainsford [2020] FCCA 3424, the Court sided with a mother who opposed her ex-partner’s request for half the holidays, finding the children needed consistency and that such an arrangement would be too disruptive. The older the child, the more weight their views may carry — especially if they can articulate why.
But these cases are never black and white. Sometimes, children resist because they’re uncomfortable, anxious, or caught in a loyalty bind. Sometimes they’re being influenced. And sometimes, they just want to hang out with their friends.
The law requires all these factors to be weighed — but at the core of it is the child’s emotional and psychological wellbeing.
Common Holiday Disputes We See
No formal agreement: One parent assumes they’ll get half the holidays; the other has already booked travel.
Last-minute plan changes: A parent unilaterally decides the kids will stay longer — or refuses to let them go.
The child “won’t go”: Leaving one parent heartbroken and unsure whether to push the issue.
Overseas travel disagreements: One parent wants to take the children abroad; the other says no — often citing safety or disruption (see Elliott & McCauley [2020] FCCA 1297).
How to Prevent Holiday Misunderstandings
Plan in advance – Holidays should never be a surprise. If you don’t have clear terms in place, now is the time to sort them out.
Put it in writing – Even if you’re amicable, clarity saves relationships. A well-drafted Parenting Plan can go a long way.
Be flexible, but don’t be a doormat – Swap days if needed, say yes to a special trip, but don’t tolerate ongoing breaches or unilateral decisions.
Put the kids first – That might mean giving up a few days for a family wedding or saying no to a trip that doesn’t feel safe.
Talk to your lawyer early – Don’t wait until you’re already in crisis.
Legal Remedies If Things Go South
If the other parent breaches a court order, or you’re denied time entirely:
You can file a Contravention Application.
You may apply for a variation of orders if the current ones no longer work.
If no orders exist, you can initiate proceedings for a Parenting Order that includes school holiday time.
Sometimes, mediation is all that’s needed — especially when communication has broken down. We can refer you to Family Dispute Resolution (FDR) services or guide you through the legal process.
Supporting Your Child Through Transitions
Whether it’s your week or your ex-partner’s, the transitions can be emotionally loaded — particularly for young children. Here are our tips:
Stick to the plan: Arrive on time. Don’t change handover spots without notice.
Keep the conflict away: Let your child feel safe and supported — not caught in the middle.
Encourage open dialogue: Let your child express themselves. Validate their emotions, but don’t let them dictate the arrangements if there’s a binding order.
Be the calm parent: If the other side is being difficult, model calmness. You’ll win your child’s trust (and potentially the court’s favour) long term.
Ready to Prepare for the Next Holiday?
If school holidays have been stressful, lonely, or chaotic this time around — it might be time to put better structures in place.
At AviorLaw, we’re here to help. Whether you need:
Enforceable Parenting Orders
Assistance with mediation or FDR
Urgent applications to recover time
Advice on flexible but secure arrangements
…we’re ready to support you with experience, empathy, and fixed-fee certainty.
📍 Based in Morley | Offering remote appointments across WA📞 Contact us on 0432 406 288 or info@avior.com.au to schedule a time to talk — and get the holiday balance right for you and your children.
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